Today I went to Santouka ramen shop for dinner with some friends. It is a busy, noisy place with some Norah Jones songs playing in the background. Not the kind of music you usually find in places like this, right?

And suddenly, our of nowhere I heard an old, timeless jazz tune that I used to love. "A remark you made" by Weather Report. For most songs, I am drawn to the lyrics first, then the music. I guess for masterpieces like this, words are redundant.

And once this song ended, Ms. Jones was back with her sultry voice. The ramen was good. The company was even better. But that song, making a surprise appearance like that, really needs a special mention.

I have been really contented and happy in my new job. It is an absolutely new feeling to me. My job is challenging enough I am effectively engaged to it, I have a great mentor as my direct boss who actually appreciates and thinks highly of my potential. Too good to be true. There must be a catch lurking at the corner, waiting to pounce when I expect it the least. Right? Despite this premonition, I will myself to believe that life actually doesn't have to be mediocre, that I can be sustainably happy.

Today, our big boss announced that my boss will be moving to Sydney office, in one month's time. I'm not ready for this news apparently. I know it will happen sooner or later, since most of the Japanese managers move to a new office after 2 years or so. But I didn't expect it to be so soon. I am really sad when I heard this news. I could feel a huge lump in my throat, burning sensation in my eyes, and blocked nose. Luckily I managed not to cry. It will be unthinkable to show much emotions in a meeting, let alone tears. I almost lost it when he said in the meeting that I was be one of the heaviest consideration for me to move, because I was new to the firm.

Do I believe that he sincerely cares for me? Yes.
Am I happy that he is moving? Yes, because I believe it is a great move forward in his career and his family. No, because I am obviously worried about how I am going to cope after he leaves.
And I wish I could know him better and learn more from him.

So, what now I ask myself? The catch that I have been waiting to happen, has arrived. For the next one month, I want to go to work early and come back late. Every single day. I'm going to take whatever there is left for me to take. And hoping that when the time comes, my emotions would have subsided and no one will even notice the tracks of my tears.

July is coming to an end. And I am still jobless. Apparently job market is lackluster these days, with companies either delaying their hiring or freezing their hiring completely. Le sigh.

Being jobless for the past 2++ months really makes me appreciate people who are self-employed. Their brains have to work 2,3 or even more times than people who are employed by others, especially those in the office job. And they need to set their own targets and have the discipline to achieve within the time frame they set for themselves. They must really understand themselves, don't they? My naturally curious mind has led me to improving my knowledge on things that sometimes have zero significance to my career or area of expertise. I am, after all just an information junkie with a haphazard mind that is really hard to focus.

I've been having flu and losing my voice for a few days now. Just when I am not in the top of my health, along come two interviews in the next two days. Life really has a sense of humor, huh? 

A rather exciting weekend with some gatherings that I look forward to is coming. I wonder if anyone still read this blog at all. Regardless of that, I will still keep it updated as and when. So, whoever you are, dear reader(s), stay tuned!

Feeling Good

Many times I underestimated the power of good companies to lift up downtrodden spirits. Also, I always forget the power of attraction in transporting one's mind into a world of its own. A world you hope you would never have to leave. You are sitting on the fence: he likes me, he likes me not. Reality is when you are forced to move to one side of the fence. If it's the he-likes-me side, you will most probably be happier. Although nobody know when this form of happiness will last. If it's the other side of the fence, you will fall with a thump. It will hurt at first, but it will go away.

Deep eyes, broad shoulders, tall, knowledgeable, funny and kind. I'm probably strongly biased here but he can do no wrong in my mind. I don't want to forget this feeling - it is a much needed happiness pill for my not-so-awesome life current (no job, no money, no bf, you get it right?). I've seen him 3 times the past one month. How I wish I could sink into his shoulders and not have to think about everything that has been bothering me lately.

 I want to savor this moment. Holding on to the good thoughts, be grateful that there are people, friends in my life that make life really worth living.

On Memory

Yesterday, in an attempt to make my new pad more conducive for living, I went to IKEA with C to get some small stuffs and furniture. I've always loved the feeling of walking around IKEA's 2-storey store/warehouse - the bedrooms looked cozy, the kitchen/dining room so inviting, the study rooms like secret, hiding places. After getting most of the things that I needed and it's almost dinner time, we headed to the cafe - we thought that we were on 2nd floor all along (which was where the cafe was located too) but it turned out that we were on the 1st floor all the while and haven't gone around the 2nd floor at all. The strange thing is that we could remember taking the lift or the stair down to the 1st floor (the entrance to IKEA is located on the 2nd floor). We had a long conversation over Swedish meatballs (the meatballs looked very different from how it used to - flatter, smaller apparently IKEA now used different kind of beef/pork that made the meatballs more authentically Swedish; they still tasted good anyway), chicken wings and 2 desserts (elderflower cupcake and Daim cake). I told her about life in US, she told me about her new job / going-to-be-in-Sept new house. We talked about how we preferred school to working, how these days we worked just for the money. C told me also that she liked it in Singapore because life is better in here than in Jakarta - I couldn't agree more. And she suggested that while I was still looking for job, I could think about some business plan as a way out of being an employee. And we discussed about growing old and memory loss. I've had these feelings for some time now, that I don't remember things like I used to anymore: I need people to trigger some memories (by providing bits and pieces of it) before I could reconstruct them in my mind, for example SK telling me she stayed over with me in H's house after watching the very unmemorable, boring Green Lantern last year - by my old standard, I should have remembered this on my own without she telling me first (even H remembered). I'm going to turn 30 next year and memories already starting to slip away. She suggested we should start taking Gingko Biloba supplement to slow down/prevent the onset of dementia. And we talked about how our parents were getting older and how scary it was as we couldn't do anything about years passing by. On another note, my Mom called me everyday these days because she got certain amount free call times per month. And we still don't have much things to talk about. What can I do?

It's been slightly past one month since I came back to Asia. I still have not gotten a job, but tomorrow I will be moving to my new pad in Singapore. Contrary to my previous places, this one is near to the city and doesn't have many people living in it. I hope it's going to be good. Sometimes I think about life back in US. It was so near yet so far. Only one month, but the memories are slipping away, fast. I really should make it a point to put my life down on papers, so that one day if I could not recall those beautiful days I had, I could flip the pages of this diary and find some comfort in the penned-down memories. I went to see W, my uni friend today in Yan Ting. It's a great dim sum place in a beautiful hotel. And he brought his friends (including his friend who was visiting from LA), SK, Ian and SY. It was a great time. We headed to Chinatown to visit famous Indian temple and a famous Buddhist temple. And we ate Guilinggao and Bak Kut Teh. Yesterday I ate black-pepper crabs and durians with H, V and SK. I feel grateful to have these friends in SG.

Leap Year

February 29th
Comes every 4 years
Nesting on the very last
Of a very short month
On the edge of winter

2012
Unseasonably warm day
Like an early summertime
People in tees and shorts
Drinking in the glorious sunshine

Feb 29th, 2012
Belongs to another time of the year
A very special extra
Day of the year.

Some Warmth in Winter

Yesterday I was talking to a friend and I mentioned about how I haven't seen this guy in school for the past one month. He used to take a few classes with us, but this semester (which have already entered into its second month) he's not in school at all. We suspected maybe he has graduated last semester, although I doubt so. I couldn't explain why, but there is a sense of loss and longing with him not around. It's strange how I could develop a sense of closeness with a stranger (considering that I've never had a one-on-one conversation with him). He has an unforgettable look and his presence has been an inseparable part of this school.

Today, I was checking out my school website (at work!) and I saw a new article with his photo in it. My curiousity finds its answer: Apparently, he is on an exchange program in Hanover, Germany and will be back in March. Reading his article about Germany brings back my own travel memories in that country five years ago. It is as if I could taste the bratwurst, sip the beer, and marvel at the old towns and rivers.

Have fun, stranger - Europe has so much to offer. And see you again.

**



On another note, this is a photo of the landscape as I walked to work this morning at 8.50am.

Winter is so mysterious and intriguing.