at times i feel really ashamed at myself; at how short my temper is, at how shallow i could be at times, at how stupid i am to let myself into the whirlpool of self-pity and negativity.

i need to learn.

2 weeks ago i met a childhood best friend whom i've not seen in 13 years. it feels a little weird. she said i haven't changed. i wasn't so sure, so i asked if that's a good or a bad thing. she said it's a good thing. really? i was unconvinced but i let it lie.

i was glad that i could recognize her instantly. that's the only vivid memory i have of her. i couldn't remember how she sounded like. we went for dinner and a walk around the town. we exchanged some updates... it's not easy to sufficiently summarize 13 years in a span of few hours. it's a brief, succinct pointers of the landmarks in life, devoid of the details that only friends share. we talked about some old acquaintances, recounted some old memories. not long after she had to leave and catch her plane.

i didn't miss her but i'm happy to see her again. it's like finding a forgotten keepsake, something that you could well live without and unsure of how it's going to fit your present life.

friends, i learn, needs commitment to keep. if there's a long hiatus in the friendship, chances are you could not pick up where you left it, you have to start over. my guess is that the cutoff time is 5 years.

i'm reading 3 books at the moment and they all keep me hooked:
New Moon - Stephenie Meyer
After Dark - Haruki Murakami
Don't Stop Believing: How Karaoke Conquered the World and Changed My Life - Brian Raftery

one of the perks of singapore blue i/c is the lifetime membership to the national library. i read books that i wouldn't read otherwise. i take a long time to choose the book i'm going to buy. i amazon-ed it,
i took it from the shelf, put it back, went home, came back to the same store, and repeated these few times
before finally i decided to buy it.
but thanks to the library, i chanced on random books that i grew to like.

for the next few months, i'm going to spend a whole lot of my time commuting to work.
books and music are my only and most loyal companions. it's the little moments i could escape from this stagnant life; a moving space where i could switch from a vampire-in-love to Tokyo in the witching hours to a karaoke evangelist, all while listening to my own personal jukebox.