for the past one months or so, i have slipped into oblivious, solitary indulgence. shying away from gatherings, preferring to stay at home even though it's the sale season. i have no interest in investing my energy on social interaction, other than a handful of friends whose company and conversations i truly seek. it's a conscious act of isolation, a cry for a change.

all the books that i borrowed from the library these days are cookbooks. due to my stay-at-home mode, i have a lot of time and have spent them on trying recipes. the myriad scents of herbs are my calming aromatherapy, the sizzling sound from stir-fry vegetables in a wok is music to my ear, a plate of hot home-cooked dish is a feast to the eye, pride and stomach.

june 2010 will be forever etched in my memory as the first time i quit a job. 23 months into my first job and i left. i've never thought that i would stay in my first job for long - i know i've had one foot out of the door for some time, and all i can say is that i'm glad that it's all said and done now. everything has been pleasant, even the resignation.

may 2010 is the month when an old promise is fulfilled. finally. after 10 years. all i can do is laugh, be grateful, and probably, finally, letting go.

after all the humbug and noises have faded away, i sit down with a cup of freshly brewed coffee and a plate of pasta, close my eyes and think of paradise i once saw.
ah... quite a bliss.

As I Grew Older by Langston Hughes


It was a long time ago.
I have almost forgotten my dream.
But it was there then,
In front of me,
Bright like a sun--
My dream.
And then the wall rose,
Rose slowly,
Slowly,
Between me and my dream.
Rose until it touched the sky--
The wall.
Shadow.
I am black.
I lie down in the shadow.
No longer the light of my dream before me,
Above me.
Only the thick wall.
Only the shadow.
My hands!
My dark hands!
Break through the wall!
Find my dream!
Help me to shatter this darkness,
To smash this night,
To break this shadow
Into a thousand lights of sun,
Into a thousand whirling dreams
Of sun!

Saturday morning, I woke up unusually early, ready for a breakfast appointment with a good friend.
I was greeted with dark sky outside my window.
As I came out of the house, a whiff of pleasant smell greeted me. Suddenly it came to me. This is what S once meant by the pleasant smell just before the rain.

I've always loved the rain - the sound, the sight, the cool air, the wonderful earthy smell after the rain, and the wet grass and flowers. It's so rich and full.
And sometimes when the rainbow appears, it feels nothing but magical.

The smell before the rain has a different feel to me - a little sharp chemical odour that seems to whisper expectations.
I did a web search on this and found out that this smell probably comes from plant chemicals that are absorbed into the rocks, and released into the air when there is a sudden jump in humidity.

What's your memory of the rain?

Perahu Kertas, karya Dee

Saya habis membaca buku ini dalam waktu satu hari, pada hari kedua dalam tahun baru Imlek. Sehabis mengumpulkan angpao dari rumah-rumah saudara, saya pergi ke sebuah mall baru di daerah Grogol. Di situlah saya bertemu dengan Perahu Kertas. Tanpa ragu-ragu, saya pun membelinya dengan uang "penghasilan" tadi siang. Entah sudah berapa lama tidak membeli sebuah buku berbahasa Indonesia. Saya penggemar karya Dee; seri Supernova yang sudah lama tidak ada lanjutannya masih setia menempati buku Indonesia favorit di perpustakaan hati.

Dari mulai halaman pertama saya terhanyut dalam pusaran kisah Kugy dan Keenan. Dua anak mahasiswa yang punya mimpi namun ragu-ragu untuk mengejar mimpinya karena realita hidup mendorong mereka ke tempat yang lain. Kugy ingin menjadi juru dongeng, Keenan ingin menjadi pelukis. Mereka bertemu, star-crossed lovers. Tapi seperti kata sang pujangga tersohor Shakespeare "The course of true love never did run smooth", kisah mereka terurai dalam buku setebal 400an halaman ini, mengundang bahagia, tawa, air mata, pemikiran, tanda tanya, dan kepercayaan akan cinta dan mimpi.

Sudah lama saya tidak menemukan novel yang ringan isinya tapi tulus dan bermakna. Pengembangan karakter begitu pandai dan mulus sehingga sejak bab kedua saya seperti sudah mengenal kedua tokoh utama itu bertahun-tahun (atau berbab-bab dalam hitungan buku). Alur ceritanya pun mengalir; walaupun terkadang mudah ditebak, namun bahasanya yang segar membuat proses membaca menghibur. Jiwa puitis Dee pun tidak hilang dalam arus novel ini. Untuk kategori novel popular, novel ini sangat saya rekomendasi.

Membaca dalam bahasa Indonesia lain rasanya dengan membaca dalam bahasa Inggris; saya tidak tahu bagaimana mengungkapkannya tapi ada rasa hangat dan kedekatan yang lebih, seperti makan bakso bihun dengan teh botol pada hari hujan di dalam warung di pelosok yang agak terpencil di kota.

Sesampainya di halaman terakhir, saya tersenyum sendiri. Seandainya bisa terus duduk di dalam Perahu Kertas dan berlayar bertemu Neptunus di laut...